if anyone actually read this they’d think I’m insane because of how all over the place I am. Why can’t life be like one of these smut romance novels I keep reading? Where you find that someone who can rock your world with mind boggling orgasms and just live your life for you? 30 years I wasted on a sexless marriage with a narcissist who only liked fucking himself. 30 goddamn years. My entire adult life. No real orgasms unless I gave them to myself. No hard cock ever. Degradation by begging for sex he just couldn’t give. So tired of this fierce loneliness and crippling need for man made orgasms. Now I’m almost 50 and fat to boot. Nobody will want me now so all I can do is dream and wish my life was different.